The Readings for Thursday in the 31st week of Ordinary Time (B2)
But whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider a loss because of Christ. More than that, I even consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
Is there a way to safely look at all of life that went before Jesus and recognize it has no value? Literally, none.
What once was the very meaning of success. What once was the end goal and target of political aspirations, of angry yelling and screaming in the halls of power... is now anathema. And what once was the assumed end goal is now out of reach.
What was once a stumbling block, is now the focal point. What was once the hated enemy is now home. What was once a bastion of oppression has become the greatest liberty, the greatest joy, the richest dreams, the most potent strength.
What was once the easiest thing to get
Is now the last thing, least, unimportant thing.
What was love turns out to be nothing.
What was everything turns out to be lost.
And what was never on my mind at all
Is always there, always pushing forward, always driving homeward.
How at 20 could one be so blind?
And how at 50 could so much light still only be the smallest portion possible?
How is Light never at 100% finally?
How is there always more love?
How can Truth ever unfold into more?
Once nearly everything was freudian and sexual.
Now it's deadly serious.
And filled with Joy.
And this, they say is only the beginning.
And pains and white water all serve to sever connections. Loss and loves all bend to one direction. Even the joys of life like sunrises and winter chills only point one way. And it is foolish to kick against the goads.
One day I will wake up and drop this all and won't care to do so. One day the light will turn up so bright that it will burn and I won't mind. One day the love will pierce through like steal in my hands, my feet, my head, my side.... my heart.
And I will will finally know as I am known.
And only the grace by which I stand...
will be left at all.
Please, be it so.