12 November 2018

Nukuler Family


+JMJ+
I found out recently that there is, among conservative Catholics, an idea common with conservative Orthodox folks: that a person must decide between "marriage or monasticism". I wrestled with that a lot in the Orthodox church, because I know I'm not called to marriage. Even my dearly loved Spiritual Father, Fr V, tried to fix me up on a date... it was literally 10 years before I realized it was a date... when I got the "well you never called" comment. And I was like, "What? I was supposed to call?"

Anyway...

Then I tried a monastery. I did pick the wrong one... and that may still be my vocation... but when I heard that Catholics, too, had this idea among their more conservative folks, I had to think about it again. What if they are both right?

Thing is, this idea is not in the Church Fathers at all. This idea is not in the canons or the liturgy. There's no sense, even, that one is "called" to marriage until well... 1950 or so. That's when it hit me. Single people in the parish are not a violation of canons, or tradition, or even Tradition: they are a violation of Mid-Century ideas of Autonomy and Suburbia.

We have this post-war fixation on "the Nukuler Family". This idea is far more deadly than the atomic bomb! It's American Autonomy done up in  Sit-Com Costumes. Prior to this time, you family was not just Mom and Dad, Buddy and Sis. It was generations, and kids, and cousins, and hangers on. Your family was large enough to handle marriages and singletons. It was a lot of love for protection and support. But if Mom and Dad have to raise their kids far from the in-laws, and the kids have to grow up and move further away... as a cultural idea than, of course, single people get left out of the package.

To the Church's credit, a monastery is a great place to find community when you don't have it in your family. But it's not because everyone is called to "Marriage or Monastery". Rather, it becomes a stop-gap because we have an unhealthy idea of what "family" is supposed to be.

Yes, I realize that there are hundreds of thousands or even millions of people in my generation (and younger) that would rather chop off their right arms, and their left ones, than live in the same small town they were born in. But that's only because we taught them not to. We taught them erroneous - even heretical - ideas of self sufficiency and autonomy. We taught them that it was a failure to stay with their parents (even if they had jobs). And we taught parents that their successful children had to move out. WTF for? If Mom and Dad are both working, and the kids too, buy a bigger house, and expand! Get more land, build more rooms, glom on to the tract house ranch in the adjoining lot(s) and take over the whole cul de sac!

We have this sick idea that when I hit 18, I'm not only not supposed to live with my parents any more, but I'm not supposed to pay them back for 18 years of support... until they are old and decrepit and need someone to take care of them. Shouldn't they get the reward of befriending their adult children? Shouldn't we all get a chance to care for each other now? Nearly every social service, every welfare program, every "safety net" is predicated on supporting folks in their autonomy rather than keeping them in family networks.

If I go to a monastery, shouldn't I be able to do so knowing the rest of the family is there to take care of each other? And if I decide not to go to such a place, should I not have the joy of a house filled with loved ones and kids, and life? Until 20th Century America, the idea of running away to "strike out on your own" was just not a thing. Why did we let it take over in the Church?

What can we do to repair this? No, I don't think you should tell all the singles in your parish (regardless of age) to move back in with their folks. But can we create communities that hold and harbor them? I don't just mean at Pizza Night either. I mean in homes, in large networks of familial form and even content. Can we create intentional, multi-generational communities of love including married and single folks looking ever Christward in their service, prayer, and mutual support?

"Marriage or Monastery?" is not the correct question. Rather we should ask "Where is your community?" Which is your family of choice - this large, boundless, familiar tie that weaves through your life, or this boundless brotherhood (or sisterhood) that you would graft on to in the name of Christ? Either way it's an icon of Christ in his Church. The only failed icon is the Cleavers...

10 November 2018

Stopping By Sonic After Church in the Evening


WHAT town this is I do not know
It’s exit one eleven though
So just one short of one oh three
where driving I would homeward go

My little car, this GMC
won’t need the gas: this stop’s for me
between the stores and parking lot
this summer evening breezy, free

The lights turned down I pick a slot
in park the gear the motor hot
My order placed my card I sweep
The car hop serves it hits the spot

This Sonic blast is thick and deep
the flavor funnel it will keep
and I will drink it for I sleep
and I will drink it for I sleep.



(With fondest apologies to Robert Frost from DHR.)

07 November 2018

Count as Loss.

JMJ

The Readings for Thursday in the 31st week of Ordinary Time (B2)


But whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider a loss because of Christ. More than that, I even consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

Is there a way to safely look at all of life that went before Jesus and recognize it has no value? Literally, none.

What once was the very meaning of success. What once was the end goal and target of political aspirations, of angry yelling and screaming in the halls of power... is now anathema. And what once was the assumed end goal is now out of reach.

What was once a stumbling block, is now the focal point. What was once the hated enemy is now home. What was once a bastion of oppression has become the greatest liberty, the greatest joy, the richest dreams, the most potent strength.

What was once the easiest thing to get
 Is now the last thing, least, unimportant thing.
What was love turns out to be nothing.
What was everything turns out to be lost.
And what was never on my mind at all
 Is always there, always pushing forward, always driving homeward.
How at 20 could one be so blind?
And how at 50 could so much light still only be the smallest portion possible?
How is Light never at 100% finally?
How is there always more love?
How can Truth ever unfold into more?

Once nearly everything was freudian and sexual.
And sarcasm.
Meaningless.
Now it's deadly serious.
And filled with Joy.

And this, they say is only the beginning.

And pains and white water all serve to sever connections. Loss and loves all bend to one direction. Even the joys of life like sunrises and winter chills only point one way. And it is foolish to kick against the goads.

One day I will wake up and drop this all and won't care to do so. One day the light will turn up so bright that it will burn and I won't mind. One day the love will pierce through like steal in my hands, my feet, my head, my side.... my heart.

And I will will finally know as I am known.

And only the grace by which I stand...

will be left at all.

Please, be it so.

Amen.

30 October 2018

The Danse Macabre



All hallows eve enchanted dark
A stroll I took in chill
To see the children on their lark
And thus a pipe to kill

The sunset orange watching pass
And night on coming strong
When deep from Mission hill and grass
I heard a haunted song

Then followed I this tunèd curse
Until i found the source
And deep beneath Dolores firs
I saw a morbid course

And dancing came the doomèd mob
In pairs of flesh and bone
A line was paced to plaintive sob
And cold as chiseled stone

Now though i thought in fright to flee
Before my feet would fly
Their rhythmed steps came round me
That each might pass me by

And silent were the corpses all
But skeletons well said
Without the breath or fleshy pall
Upon their bony head

They spoke addressing me by name
Well done to find us here
And will you make our chorus fame
In gruesome verse appear?

I nodded silent as I typed
In thumbs upon my screen
unbidden verse my phone had striped
In pixeled eerie sheen

The first pair came in courtly swirl
And round me then to go
The bone man led a regal girl
Whose years made dancing slow

An empress grand she ruled the globe
A century bears her mark
Now unamused in weeds her robe
Death has a Victory stark

The second pair now came aside
In black and white a boy
The bones and he hob'd horses stride
With a candle as a toy

At altar knelt he near the south
And well he served the priest
But now for prayers he has no mouth
We take both great and least

The third pair came a man in suit
With marching hails the chief
and wearing chains of free world's loot
The leader of their grief

We get them all said clacking jaw
In top hat or in none
No leader yet the world has saw
Who has this dance not done

And next there came in sleeves ore long
A song book in her hand
The lead soprano with her song
And shin bones for her band

Her voice ere piped on eagles wings
Her hands on guitar strummed
But deeply buried graved things
Like songs have her made dumb

Up came an athlete with a bat
A beard and muscles slack
The dodger blue upon his hat
Was fading now to black

In leaving Brooklyn bone man said
The team betrayed their home
And round the world the cursed dead
as traitors made to roam

A priest came next his back to me
His robes arrayed for Mass
In Dance his face I n'er did see
Tho him did thrice me pass

His liturgy was drama trim
The showman ever played
And so in death his penance grim
His face away is staid

A tech bro came: lyft, scooter, vape
And options like the dew
the ghosts of start ups round him drape
and dreams are all askew

A Jesuit next came down the pike
Accompanying his charge
No heresy he didn't like
His tent was mighty large

A politician found her mark
and made a Arabesque
So firm her planks her promise, hark!
To voters now addressed

An Abbot tall with croizered hand
was further down the queue
A skeleton did by him stand
as with all the others too

Then Death herself the reaper grim
astride the path did stand
and all around her they raised a hymn
this morbid bony band

We get them all We slay them all
And none can say us nay
We wake them all we take them all
as night ore-takes the day

And last alone some lonely bone said to a novice he was sent Tis I I said and dropped this phone and dancing off we went

29 October 2018

Pro Invicem

JMJ

The Readings for Tuesday in the 30th week of Ordinary Time (B2)

Subjecti invicem in timore Christi.
Being subject one to another, in the fear of Christ. 

Paul opens up this passage with a command that gets lost in the shuffle of modern political readings of scripture. Focus on the command not on the elucidation. Serving... being subject to one another. How does that seem to us today?

Evidently, when two powerful males are introduced, the games of power mean that whoever extends their hands first means they are being subservient. Also evidently if you let someone go ahead of you on the Highway, you are indicating that you know you are blocking traffic. I've read (on twitter) that letting a woman enter a door before me is actually a sign that I am in control: I'm not being polite or subject to the other party.

Silly psycho-political games we play.

And yet, Jesus does say that whoever would lead... must be the servant of all. To use our broken ideas of Psychology, then... while Pope Benedict (above) washes the feet of folks on Maundy Thursday... Pope Francis must be making quite the power play by washing the feet of prisoners:


Or, perhaps, humility is a thing in itself and we should not let modern political babble confuse us.

We are to be servants of each other.  We are to be subject one to another.

This can be harder than it sounds. Social norms are as hard to navigate as white water rafting at night. Trying to figure out who's in a room is enough for me: placing myself at the service of the least in the room requires figuring out who they are. I blurt out questions when it's not my turn, don't know when to jump into a conversation, can't remember names to save my life, and (to be honest) struggle with other psychological issues that are not commonly acknowledged outside of certain Church documents but arise from the sins with which I struggle. So it's a safe thing for me to just say to everyone in line, "you go first". 

Our culture, on the other hand, wants everything to be "fair" by which they mean mostly "as long as I get mine..." Why should I come early and stay late? Others will do that. Why shouldn't I get promoted at work before others? Why would that poor slob win the lottery when I need it more?

I remember reading a story of a pair of Orthodox nuns visiting a parish. You'll need to know that in many modern Orthodox places monastics can be viewed with suspicion. This can be helped by some anti-monastic bishops... anyway... these two nuns were visiting a parish and were at coffee hour socializing with everyone else and suddenly a woman pointed at them eating and having a good time and said, "See, they are hypocrites. They come here to ask for charity, but then they take our food like a member of the parish and just laugh." One nun stood up and and was offended. The other prostrated herself at the feet of her accuser and asked forgiveness. 

The second nun was subjecti invicem in timore Christi.

I love the stories of the Christian Martyrs whose faith was discovered because they were visiting Christians already in prison to bring them food or messages from home. When Christians actually do "Pro Invicem" we get in trouble. Christians get arrested for feeding the homeless, for sheltering Jews, for ignoring unjust laws, for hiding slaves, for helping refugees. We've been getting in trouble for this since Paul was hiding escaped slaves, emotionally bullying their masters into manumission and using the Church to subvert cultural paradigms all over the empire. As government and societies today are trying to force us back into slavery to pagan ideals of nationalism, immorality, and racism, I hope we stand firm.

But I hope we do so by subversion, by pro invicem... we must remember to love our enemies... because we don't have any. Literally every political thing in the world is here to distract us from God, and it is supposed to look like "our enemies" are doing it  - so we blame the other humans - but we forget the only enemies we have are demons? Literally every political or "social justice" thing is a false flag op.

That person over there is not a demon, is a living icon of God. They may be wrong... they may need to be opposed or voted out of office or imprisoned for crimes, but they are also to be served by us. By serving them we will win them for Christ. We will win the world that way.

Stop Sanitizing Communion

+JMJ+

A list of reasons not to use hand sanitizer before distribution of Holy Communion:

1 It only kills the germs in your hands in the moment. If you're sick you shouldn't be giving out communion, and this will not stop you from passing germs to those you touch, breathe on, etc.

2 It contains alcohol which removes the oils from your skin. These are the first defense you have against germs from others. You will kill the germs on your hands now... And weaken your defenses just as you are about to touch many other hands.

3 Unless your congregation is a sterile environment (think surgery ward) this is all for show. By the time you pass the chalice back and forth to one person, the benefit is over. When your finger tips touch the first palm or tongue, all the magic is gone.

4 It's unliturgical and it smells bad. Nothing says "take me Jesus, take me now" like the smell of hand sanitizer as you come near to the Holy Mysteries.

Wash your hands before Mass and pray.

28 October 2018

My Face Hurts...

JMJ

The Readings for Monday in the 30th week of Ordinary Time (B2)

Fornicatio autem, et omnis immunditia, aut avaritia, nec nominetur in vobis, sicut decet sanctos : aut turpitudo, aut stultiloquium, aut scurrilitas, quae ad rem non pertinet : sed magis gratiarum actio.
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not so much as be named among you, as becometh saints: Or obscenity, or foolish talking, or scurrility, which is to no purpose; but rather giving of thanks.

The NABRE takes a dodge here... it says "Immorality or any impurity or greed" which is not what the Latin says, nor is it what the Greek says. The Latin refers to "Fornicatio autem, et omnis immunditia, aut avaritia". That first word is fornication. We're not talking about "immorality" in general but about sexual sins. The Greek is even more direct. The word used there is πορνεία porneia. It is the origin for our word "pornography" but its meaning is derived from the verb "to sell off". We trade off our sexual morals for other things - money, yes, but also acceptance, entertainment, self-gratification. This is made even more clear by the words selected in the next verse (which are not so obscured by the NABRE) obscenity, or foolish talking, or scurrility make it all very clear, and also eliminate about 80% of the internet and 95% of comedic content since WW2.

Why is St Paul so opposed to us having fun?

Matushka Frederica Matthews has this great line in one of her books, I honestly forget which one, discussing our cultural abuse of irony and making everything funny, she says, "Can we stop smiling now? My face hurts." As a culture we make a joke of literally everything. This has gotten worse in successive generations - what was once sacred is now ribald humor. And as this area gets burned over, we move on to the next one... we can now joke about literally anything religious, because no one cares about it - and those who do don't deserve our sensitivity. Only in jest can we talk about such things.

Paul is warning us against doing that to one of the most sacred acts God has given for humans to do - to participate in God's creative generation of space and time by bringing a new human soul, enfleshed, into the world. Making jokes about this cheapen it.

But there is a second reason as well. We are spiritual athletes. We are in training. There is a time and place for everything. Yet there is never a place for baseness, or scurrility. We have no reason to "keep in practice" for the things we used to do.

A friend of mine called me out for using as a self description a word which has become synonymous with a sexual subculture. I hadn't realized how important that word had become to me. I may not use "gay" to describe myself, but I have a "totem animal" anyway, right? Why? Do I need that? Do I still need that word to be part of me? Do I still need to get all those in jokes? Those brain cells might better be left from something else, I think.

Chrysostom reads both of these meanings...
Have no witticisms, no obscenities, either in word or in deed, and thou wilt quench the flame—“let them not even be named,” saith he, “among you,” that is, let them not anywhere even make their appearance. This he says also in writing to the Corinthians. “It is actually reported that there is fornication among you” (1 Cor. v. 1.); as much as to say, Be ye all pure. For words are the way to acts. Then, that he may not appear a forbidding kind of person and austere, and a destroyer of playfulness, he goes on to add the reason, by saying, “which are not befitting,” which have nothing to do with us—“but rather giving of thanks.” What good is there in uttering a witticism? thou only raisest a laugh. Tell me, will the shoemaker ever busy himself about anything which does not belong to or befit his trade? or will he purchase any tool of that kind? No, never. Because the things we do not need, are nothing to us.
Moral. Let there not be one idle word; for from idle words we fall also into foul words. The present is no season of loose merriment, but of mourning, of tribulation, and lamentation: and dost thou play the jester? What wrestler on entering the ring neglects the struggle with his adversary, and utters witticisms? The devil stands hard at hand, “he is going about roaring” (1 Pet. v. 8.) to catch thee, he is moving everything, and turning everything against thy life, and is scheming to force thee from thy retreat, he is grinding his teeth and bellowing, he is breathing fire against thy salvation; and dost thou sit uttering witticisms, and “talking folly,” and uttering things “which are not befitting.” Full nobly then wilt thou be able to overcome him! We are in sport, beloved.
There is a counter point, I think. One that is important for us in this age - that was not so important for Paul. While everything is funny - because it's meaningless - everything is also taken far too seriously. CS Lewis and others have noted this tendency in our media, to stir up excitement for things that happen hundred and thousands of miles away while ignoring the things right out side. We get anxious over meaningless things about which we can do nothing, and then make light of things that are actually important.

So what would life look like if we took everything only as serious as it warranted, and yet took everything exactly as serious as is needed? What would life look like if one lived as if one's salvation in Christ was the most important thing? Mindful that St Paul says that salvation entails a lot of things: obedience, humility, civic responsibility, passivity before abuse, charity, etc. What would life be like to live in that way?