09 November 2015

Quest for Chicken


So there was this Sheik who, as a youth, had studied in America, in the south, in fact, where he learned to like fried chicken with all the fixings

And as he was sitting at the Oasis, surrounded by the court and camels, he turned to his son and said, "My son, my son, the sun is darkened in my eyes and I will faint and die if I do not again taste of the succulent fried chicken of my youth."

And his pious son, whose name was Beau, turned to him and said "My Father, may you live for ever. I will find you a chicken and we shall prepare it together to your liking.  And there shall be a feast!"

Beau and his wives and their maidservants went off on a quest traveled far to the north where the found a farmer.

"Oh, good farmer", began Beau, the son of the Sheik. "We are come in search of chickens that my Father - may he live for ever - might have them fried as they were in the days of his youth."

And the farmer replied, "Fair sir from a far country, forsooth, there were once many chickens in this land, but lo: a dragon has come and captured them all. And every day he places one of our flocks before him and breathes fire on them and makes them all extra crispy as we make them here in these parts.  Then he eats them.  We are all starved for chicken, having nothing but this one carrot and a few bits of cotton left."

Then said Beau, the Son of the Sheik, to the Farmer, "We must slay the dragon!  I will fight him and slay him and then we shall have chicken!"

"With you as our champion, we will never go hungry again!" Added the farmer, shaking his fist in the air.

"But,: continued the farmer. "You cannot fight the dragon lest you lure him out of his cave.  How will you do that?"

Beau thought for a moment.  Then he smiled.

"Dragons like beautiful women! I shall tie one of my wives' maidservants beside the monster's cave and I shall hide. And when he comes out to see her beauty, I will jump on him from the shadows and slay him."

The farmer replied, "Okaaaaaaaaayyyy...." And wandered off to invite neighbors to come watch, because they'd never tried this before, of course.

As the local watched (some made pop corn), Beau tied up a maid to a post by the dragon's lair and then sat nearby and watched.  Knowing full well what would happen, one of the locals said "Hey, Dragon!"  This yelp caused beau to turn around momentarily and in that moment the dragon came out and gobbled up the maid and then vanished.  Beau turned back to see an empty post.

The locals tried to suppress their giggles.

I'm going to cut this story short (in the movie the montage will happen here, along with some really wonderful sort of Benny Hill music).

When all the maids were gone, Beau sighed and tried with his wives. (Another montage here, this time with "Gone with the wind" theme playing.)

And then they were gone.

And Beau went home.

And there was some giggling on the part of the villagers, but most people were just bored enough to go back to work and forget it all happened.

Returning to his father empty handed Beau had to tell him all.

And his father was sad and said, "you mean...."





"Yes," said Beau. "No harem, no fowl."