This sucks worse for me than for you.

✙

JMJ

The Readings for  the 10th Sunday of Ordinary Time (B2)

• Genesis 3:9-15 
• 2 Corinthians 4:13—5:1
• Mark 3:20-35

Omnia enim propter vos : ut gratia abundans, per multos in gratiarum actione, abundet in gloriam Dei. 
For all things are for your sakes; that the grace abounding through many, may abound in thanksgiving unto the glory of God. 

This quote came across my Facebook yesterday. It's so un-American, so un-Modern, so un-Millenial, so un-Boomer, I had to share it. It is, really, very Xer, or so I think... and very "Greatest Generation" or "Silent Generation".  It's from St. Nikolai Velimirovich, an Orthodox Saint. Born in Serbia, he was imprisoned in the Dachau concentration camp then lived in the Communist Yugoslavia. He came to America after the war and died in Pennsylvania. 

Only the foolish think that suffering is evil. A sensible man knows that suffering is not evil but only the manifestation of evil and healing from evil. Only sin in a man is a real evil, and there is no evil outside sin. Everything else that men generally call evil is not, but is a bitter medicine to heal from evil. The sicker the man, the more bitter the medicine that the doctor prescribes for him. At times, even, it seems to a sick man that the medicine is worse and more bitter than the sickness itself! And so it seems at times to the sinner: the suffering is harder and more bitter than the sin committed. But this is only an illusion – a very strong self-delusion. There is no suffering in the world that could be anywhere near as hard and destructive as sin is. All the suffering borne by men and nations is none other than the abundant healing that eternal Mercy offers to men and nations to save them from eternal death. Every sin, however small, would inevitably bring death if Mercy were not to allow suffering in order to sober men up from the inebriation of sin; for the healing that comes through suffering is brought about by the gracefilled power of the Holy and Life-giving Spirit.

Let that sink in for a moment: from a man in a concentration camp:  "Only sin in a man is a real evil, and there is no evil outside sin. Everything else that men generally call evil is not, but is a bitter medicine to heal from evil." I think of all the "evils" we imagine today, from "hate speech" to "gun control", from "oppression" to "open borders", from nuclear war to ozone depletion, we are filled with things we think of as "evils". The only evil is sin. And nearly no one calls sins out as "evil" anymore for that would be "judging someone". Yet here's a man who has endured what I - and you, perhaps - would call the two greatest evils of the 20th century (Nazism and Communism) who says "Everything men call evil usually is only a bitter medicine to designed as a cure from evil." No body likes bitter medicine. Every day Christians pray for their rulers - even the "evil" ones: Caesars, Kaisers, Commissars, Fuhrers, and Trump.  God put them there for a reason.

And you might think it's evil... but are you saved yet?

St Paul says, "All things are for you." The implications are astounding. Sure, you might take the Oprah/Osteen line and opt for "only the things I want are for me..." but Paul says πάντα, panta, all things. All means all. That crappy email from a client, the customer yelling at your barista, the car that swiped in front of you and made you slow down, the smelly guy on the subway. We usually want to get rid of all these things. What about that political opponent that won, that lazy coworker that got a promotion, the doctor that charges too much money for the pills you need? What about that sleepless night worrying about nothing in particular that ruined your workday, or that unjust work situation that turned into the most grueling three days ever experienced? What about that family that is emotionally abusive, the pain that you still feel from that sports injury in school, the monotonous repetition of your job? All means all. 

I want to tell you that I'm not some wise man spouting on a mountain top. I can complain with the best of them. But Paul says all things are for your sakes and he means it. Think how many times this comes up through the New Testament writings: 

• in all things thanksgiving...
• all things work for the good of those who love the Lord...
• count it all joy...
• for I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature...

But we will stop everything for just a little bit of pleasure. And when we can't get the pleasure that we want, we complain we are being "oppressed" as if St Nikolai and his Dachau friends had nothing to compare to the folks at WalMart not saying "Merry Christmas". We will literally bend over backward and swallow hands-full of pain killer just to avoid feeling pain.

Paul says all things.

It all Flows from the Heart

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JMJ

The Readings for the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Friday in the 9th Week of Ordinary Time (B2)

• Hosea 11:1, 3-4, 8C-9
• Ephesians 3:8-12, 14-19
• John 19:31-37

Ut innotescat principatibus et potestatibus in caelestibus per Ecclesiam, multiformis sapientia Dei, 
That through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places. 

Follow this passage in Ephesians, the 3rd chapter from verses 8 - 12, God's eternal purpose was in Christ Jesus, and, now, is being worked out in the Church. Through the Church the wisdom of God is being made clear even to the powers of heaven.

The Church is the Kingdom of God in the world, the Body of Christ present and active, and so, today we are reminded that the Heart of Christ is the Heart of the Church.

The blood and water which poured forth from the heart of Christ flow, still, in the Church: from her Font and on the Altar. The Love which radiated from Christ to the world, shines still through the actions, the teachings, the power of the Church.  Yet, though I stooped to feed my child, they did not know that I was their healer. The world cannot see this Love all the time because the world refuses to understand what true, divine Love is (or that it is not "let me do what ever I want"). Yet also because humans in the Church are sinners this love is hidden, for we too, fail at being Christ in the world. 

How can we be Christ in our workplace, on the bus, at the grocer's or beauty parlor? Only if we are connected to the Heart of Christ, only if we are fed on the flesh of Christ, only if we are the Body of Christ, present and active in the world. Yet how can we do that active role (as is our job as the Laity) if we do not engage spiritually with the disciplines of the Church?

Christians must always repair to the Heart of Christ, in prayer, in meditation, in contemplation of the Holy Eucharist. We are called to stay connected, to stay focused. It's not a case of "What would Jesus do?" Rather, from within the Body of Christ, fed on the flesh and blood of Christ, acting from the beating heart of Christ, we should ask, "What is Jesus doing?" ...That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fulness of God. 

The deeper our contemplation, the more fruit we shall bear in our action. The more we are united to Christ in Prayer, the more we can be Christ in the world. The latter cannot happen without the former: apart from the vine the branches can do nothing.

What's your cross?

✙

JMJ

The Readings for Thursday in the 9th Week of Ordinary Time (B2)

• 2nd Timothy 2:8-15 
• Mark 12:28-34

Si commortui sumus, et convivemus : 
si sustinebimus, et conregnabimus : 
si negaverimus, et ille negabit nos : 
si non credimus, ille fidelis permanet, 
negare seipsum non potest.

If we have died with him, we shall also live with him; 
if we endure, we shall also reign with him; 
if we deny him, he also will deny us; 
if we are faithless, he remains faithful:
for he cannot deny himself.

In my days of college rebellion against everything for which I now stand, I went on opening night to see a movie called The Last Temptation of Christ. I remember a lot about that night: the standing in line, the Christian protesters, the news cameras. What I remember most about standing in line outside the Ziegfeld on 12 August 1988 was how wonderful the folks were in line.  

I had gone with a bunch of my fraternity brothers and we were standing in the "to buy" line. And when we finally got to the window, the 8PM show was sold out. Did we want to go to the 11 PM show? Yes. Ok. So, after standing in line for over two hours, we were condemned to stand in line for another 3 hours plus. My fraternity brothers all - to a man - asked me to "hold their place in line" since it had been my idea to do this and they all left. Then, the people either side of me left as well and so, there I was, alone on a hot August night in NYC, holding a place in line for over 30 folks. My fraternity brothers came back drunk, loud, and boisterous. The group behind them came back stuffed to the gills. The group in front of me came back with a huge order of sushi for me. And they hoped I like sake. And thank you so much for being a gentleman. I sat with them: we had better seats because a member of that party knew something about the Ziegfeld and we set in the best place to watch a movie in the house. (It was a lesson well-learned for I never sat anywhere else anytime I went back.)  At one point, my brothers, realizing I was not with them, began to call out my name: and the whole theater took up the call. It was funny and one of those NYC moments. Come sit with us! No... I'll sit with my sushi-buying new friends, thanks. I'll have to go home with all y'all drunks anyway later.

I mentioned the protesters in there... who were angry that someone (a Greek Orthodox someone, no less) could write such a "blasphemous" story and they were angrier still that it would be a movie. They sold more tickets to a B movie than any marketing team could imagine. And there we all were, seeing Jesus tempted to come down of the cross, even in the last bitter moments - giving a new definition to "his life flashed before his eyes." No spoilers, though... you'll have to see it for yourself.

But Satan knew - in that movie - what was Jesus' weakest point: his humanity. For God, the Cross to carry every day was being his being human. Yes, there was an actual cross at the end of the life... but every day, God woke up having needed to sleep, like a mortal. Every day God needed food to keep going. Every day God had to defecate and urinate, had to drink, and breathe. Every day, God sacrificed his full possibility to be what was the best possibility in the will of the Father. He did it out of love for us. He did it unasked (by us) and in most cases (by us) rejected; yet in full accord with the Father's will, with the Trinity's love for us mere mortals. What could be more human than to fall in love with another human, to form a family, to have the comfort of a home and good food, and children, and extended relations. What could be more Jewish, than for the Rabbi to get married and be, himself, one of us?

Or to die alone. Rejected by one's own and by one's oppressors. Spat upon and tortured, nailed to a crossbeam, abused, mocked and naked, to die alone... What human could call that fulfillment? The human who was also God the Son and knew that was the will of God the Father. Was thus fulfilled in his last act of self-abasement. Jesus' cross was borne by him from the moment he was divinely conceived in the Womb of the Blessed Virgin. Imagine knowing all things and not even having brain cells with which to communicate to yourself. Imagine being the very fount and source of all wisdom and being only able to scream wordlessly for food. Imagine filling all space and time with your presence confined to a cattle trough, to a latrine, to a woman's arms and carrying satchel.

And that action of divine self-emptying we are called to replicate. But how many things are there in our life to which - instead of our Cross - we'd rather hold on; rather die than lose?

Like many who experience attraction to the same sex, I'm told that this is my cross to bear. I'm happy it's so evident to others that I have to bear such a bare-bones cross. It's so obvious to them that none dare look deeper at my sins to see that if my sexual attraction is my only issue, it's a very light burden, indeed, to carry. It seems heavy to them because we have convinced ourselves as a culture that sex is the end all and be all of human existence. Married couples (of any arrangement) are expected to count the number of times they have sex as if that was an important marker of happiness. When there is less sex, we assume, it is a sign we are unhappy, and unfulfilled as humans. Even inside the Church, many assume sex is the marker for happiness and agitate for clergy to be married, blaming celibacy, itself, for other sins. The thing that we are to deny - "our self" - gets conflated with one very tiny aspect of the self (sex) and then we are told we can't deny it at all.

See how Satan is so crafty! Come down off that cross, Little Christ, I've got something over here to show you...

But St Paul tells us that we have died with him and so we must endure with him. This is not only that final triumphant death on the cross of wood on Calvary. God died a thousand deaths daily for us: the mere act of human mortality in day to day life, offered out of love for us. The action of so many examples, the loss of so many faculties, the giving up of so much power, the assumption of so much weakness, the forgetting of things that cannot be forgotten, the burial of the immortal, the dampening of the eternal light.

Take up your cross and follow: because I have gone this way before you and, no, it's not easy, thanks for asking. But, yes, it is an act of divine mercy. Make it to the end and there is no loss. Give up in the middle though, and all, indeed, is lost. Come this way,  following me. If you have to give up something, no matter how small, it might as well be the smallest, the least of things.

Launching on Patreon

Take a look at my Patreon page, please. Go take a look. I've decided to see what we can do with this blog.

A little history: I've been blogging since 1998 (although the earliest Archive capture is Januray of 1999). And, if by "blog" you mean an electronic journal that gets shared with friends, really, I started blogging via a little ezine with the other Xer ministry folks at 815 Second Avenue in 1994. So: that's 24 years of blogging come October of this year.

There's written poetry, Bible studies, meditations, personal reflections, rants, theological ruminations, and other things. I video (rarely) and I podcast (a few times in recent years) mostly with my buddy, Drew. You know my topics: my spiritual journey, sexuality, community, theology, and sundry geekery.

In that time, although I've published countless words in a whole lot of formats -  Mr James F. (as he then was) said you could see the blog move - I've earned exactly $250 as a result of blogging. (That was the article that got published in Touchstone.) I've had a few poems published in other places, but never been paid for them.

On the whole, this has been a labor of love, therapy, and ego (to be honest).  Yet, according to my stats, in the month of April I had 6,000 views. I hover around 4k most of the time, now.

So I've decided to try and go semi-pro. If you haven't yet, go take a look at my Patreon page, please.

I will continue to blog here and it will continue to be free. It will post on my FB and on my Twitter and over on Google plus (as long as that survives) for free. And I hope people will consider sharing.

But if 4,000 page views represent between 50 and 100 folks (to start) and y'all want to pledge, we can get this thing off the ground! They say that goals are important so, while they are on my Patreon, here they are as well.

• $100 a month: I'm going to get a better office arrangement to make my writing easier/less annoying on my back and my fundament. I'm going to relaunch the podcast.
• $300 a month: I want to get a decent video camera and podcast recording mic. Guest interviews!
• $500 a month: I'm going to take Biblical Hebrew and Greek courses to improve my grasp of those languages. I will also get a tutor in those languages, and I've always wanted to be an ASL translator.
• $750 a month: This is a stretch right now, but, if we get there and hold it for 6 months I want to drop my workload down to 3/4 or time to write. I have two books nearly done and they need editing and focus to complete.
• $1,500 a month or more: If we get this far, and hold it for 6 months, the blog is becoming a roadshow. I promise a Lent in Rome with full social media coverage: Station Churches, Pilgrimage, live feeds from the Eternal City.
• $2,000 a month, if we get here, you'll make my work half time. And I'll be able to write and produce most-time. Constantinople. Jerusalem. And where I go you'll be coming along via blogging, videoing, podcasting, and photography. Above this (and gosh, you really like me!) I'll have to work out other goals.

There are pledging tiers as well. Please note: all pledging is recurring membership. There's a charge every month on the first. AND refund go through me - not through Patreon's Community Happiness team. So, if you need some money back, reach out to me.

Membership has it's benefits, though:

• $3 Nice and Nicean I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping to make this possible. You'll enjoy the free blogposts and patronage also allows you to post in the online community hosted by Patreon.

• $5 Absolutely Apostolic You're helping me get the word out. Patron-only posts (of longer essays) will be posted here for your enjoyment and discussion with other readers. You'll also get access to Discord for discussions.

• $25 Awesomely Athanasian In addition to the patron only posts mentioned in the earlier tier, there will be a monthly, patron-only Google Hangout with group discussion of recent readings. Think of this as a group Lectio Divina. Participation at this level for at least six months will result in a free, autographed copy of any book I get published. (Each 6 months = one book.)

• $100 Collegiately Cardinal (Limit of 12) In addition to the content offers above, and, after the first quarter of pledging and participation in the community you will be invited to host your own discord channel and Google Hangout Lectio group chats.

Additionally everyone who pledges will be mentioned on the thank you pages of any book. Higher pledges get better billing though.

Take a look at my Patreon page, please. Go take a look. I've decided to see what we can do with this blog.

Being the Body of Christ, the Bread of Heaven

JMJ

This piece came to mind yessterday at Corpus Christi: an essay from the 90s, rescued from Archive.org and edited. When I wrote this I was part of the bread baking guild at St Gregory of Nyssa ECUSA parish, a rota of folks who prepared the communion bread. I continued this practice in the Orthodox Church, for a while baking all the bread in our tiny mission parish in North Carolina. 

Shockwaves of the Eschaton

✙

JMJ

The Readings for the Solemnity of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ

• Exodus 24:3-8 
• Hebrews 9:11-15
• Mark 14:12-16, 22-26

Vetustátem nóvitas,
Umbram fugat véritas,
Noctem lux elíminat.

Now the new the old effaces,
Truth away the shadow chases,
Light dispels the gloom of night.

O sacred banquet
Tardis and Tesseract of eternity
Feast of Ramandu
Last Homely House before the wilds
坎  坤  乾 

Kǎn Kūn Qián
Gift of heaven
formed of earth
Made by man
Transformed by God
Fed to man
Living on earth
Rising to heaven

Lembas and Soma
Manna fallen and spice that flows
Ambrosia, grok 

Bread of heaven
Fulfillment of the mystery of Earth
What is fallen and buried
Rises again a thousandfold
Philosophers stone
Gold of the Alchemists
Palantir of Westernesse
sword in stone embedded
Lia Fail
Showing Kingly Priests who dare to touch
Chalice of Salvation
Pare Dadani
Cauldron of Immortality
Core Ansc of Divine Hospitality
Taurobolium
Holy Grail
Sang Real
The true vine
the fruit of salvation
the fullness of harvest
Fulfillment of the Mystery of Water
What is birthed in water
Dies in wine
And is reborn
Sacrament most holy
Gate of heaven
Consuming us

Sumit unus, sumunt mille:
Quantum isti, tantum ille:
Nec sumptus consúmitur.

Whether one or thousands eat:
All receive the self-same meat:
Nor the less for others leave.

Preternatural Hangries

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JMJ

The Readings for Friday in the 8th Week of Ordinary Time (B2)
Memorial of St Justin Martyr, First Friday of June

• 1 Peter 4:7-13 
• Mark 11:11-26

Jam non amplius in aeternum ex te fructum quisquam manducet. 
May no man hereafter eat fruit of thee any more for ever. 

Jesus curses the fig tree because it bears no fruit when it was needed - at that moment when he was hungry. This may seem like a reminder that even for Jesus, "You're not you when you're hungry". But the fig tree is intended as a visual parable, an acted out teaching moment. When Messiah comes, it's already too late to blossom and grow fruit. You should be fruitful now. We never know when the fruit will be sought for.

In case the reader misses it, the curse of the tree and then the witness of the withered tree is the bracket for the cleansing of the Temple. Messiah arrived and the tree was fruitless, Messiah arrived and the Temple was purged. Far from a case of the Hangries, Jesus is acting in love for you and me to learn how dangerous it is to only pretend to be something. A fruitless tree is certainly worth nothing to the hungry. A fruitless vine is fit only for making cheese from the ashes. 

St Peter's epistle addresses us strongly too:

Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins. Practice hospitality ungrudgingly to one another....Hospitales invicem sine murmuratione.

I have, three times been involved in conversations where there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the noise made in Church by children. I confess I was the instigator once (circa 1999) although I have only been the defuser each time after that. My main weapon is the one that was used on me that first time (which was a catty comment having to do with unmarried men of a certain age...). Certainly that's not always the case because even online I can read much wailing and gnashing done by other folks whose "mother would have slapped me into next week for acting like that" or who were "certainly never that poorly behaved as children." St Peter tells us all to learn to love each other now because the end is coming and, well... hey, you know about that fig tree? Loving certainly involves parents and children. But not always.

I thought about this yesterday at Mass where I was Mr Cranky Pants, not at children, but at two Grandmothers who chatted calmly with each other through the sermon and the prayers of the people from the pew behind me. To be honest, Father's sermon was not quite as engrossing as possible and my ears are to the point where almost any background noise is too much, but these two Lolas were as loud as Father. So, surrounded by a familial babble, I fell asleep. I awoke to the laughter of a joke and shushed the two... with a look that was rather more like Jesus to the fig tree than St Peter's idea of Hospitality.

It was not exactly the best moment I've had at Mass. 

How often is it that way? That one person who would have been in the choir but for that sense of timelessness about their singing. Or the party who constantly says their prayers 3 seconds in front of everyone else. What about that family that comes late every week and leaves from the communion line? Yes these are my list of gripes that can pull me out of prayer, but do you have your own? Do not we all have our own? These preternatural cases of the hangries all seem to end when Mass ends. I never find myself thinking about them again (especially when I'm in confession and then it just goes right out of my mind) until the next time I'm at Mass. 

Why is it so easy to get if not angry, then disgruntled at Mass? I've slammed choir books, and - when I'm in a good mood - I've used the Mid-Mass Hangry on other folks. It's especially easy to trip up the pious, but there it is.  I've used the word "hangry" (which is either a portmanteau of "hungry" and "angry" or else a Ukrainian slang term for Lent) because we are exactly that. Except we are not hungering for food. 

Today is the memorial of St Justin Martyr who was slain for his faith in AD 165. His writings are amazing documents not only of his religious journey but also of the practices of the Early Church. Justin spent his youth searching for something until, one day, meeting an elderly man walking on the beach, his eyes (and his heart) were open to the Hebrew Scriptures which in turn opened his soul up to the teachings of Christ. He spent the rest of his time learning, teaching, and defending this new faith, even writing letters to Caesar defending the teachings and creating a new discipline: Christian Apologist. 

Justin realized this is what we're hungry for: Christ. His love, his hospitality. We are called always forward into this one thing. We may spend our entire life thinking that we need to get money, or power, or sex, or love, or 2.5 kids and a white picket fence yet until we find the one thing worth having, all this other stuff just leads to more hangries.